Looking Down the Aisle
by DarkDreamer56
Summary: Grissom reflects back on his life on a very important day. Contains GSR, NS, CW, but the GSR is not necessarily what you think.


Title: Looking Down the Aisle  
Author: DarkDreamer56  
Archive: If you want it, ask please!  
Rating: T  
Pairings: GSR, Snickers, YoBling!  
Disclaimer: No I do not own them, but I am all for Emily's hostile takeover plan.  
Spoilers: through the season six finale ("Way To Go")

A/N: This is in response to Julie's GSR challenge, issued wayyyy back, right after the finale. But just for clarification, go to my author page. Check out the fifty or so stories I've written…note the pairing that tends to dominate those stories, and then consider the wacky notion that I have _not _decided to jump ship simply because of that atrocious finale. Just consider this, and then decide if you want to find out what the GSR refers to…dedicated to Julie, because she rocks and she's been so nice to me this summer with the loss of my kitties :(, and to Claire. I miss my partner in smuff!

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They say a woman is supposed to be her most beautiful on her wedding day, and as I take in the vision before me, I can't help but think that I've never seen anyone look as beautiful as she does. Her eyes lock on mine, and even through the veil, I can tell that she can't contain the tears of joy. I find myself tearing up a bit too as I consider how much my life has changed since I met this amazing woman.

I know I should catalogue her appearance now to savor for the rest of my life; of course there will be pictures, but they could never do her justice. Before I know it, her arm is linked through mine and the music is signaling the opening of the vestibule doors.

I had never had imagined myself marrying in a Catholic church, but here we are at Saint Patrick's, something I know my mother would have approved of. It's been a long time since I've been active in any church, and I never imagined I'd be walking my own bride up the aisle. Times have changed though, and now this is the way things are done. I have to admit, I like the idea of walking towards our future together, and she is far too independent to consider letting someone "give her away." We start our slow walk up the aisle, and though most of my concentration is focused on remembering every detail of this feeling, I do notice a small group of people out of the corner of my eye. They are gathered in two pews clustered in the middle of the small crowd, half in one row, half in the other. It has been a long time since I have seen them all in the same place, and their presence reassures me that I am doing the right thing. Though I try to ignore it, I can't help but wonder if I would have ever found myself in this position with a certain female standing in the second group if things had turned out differently, but I quickly put that thought out of my head; that was a lifetime ago, and I think it's safe to say that everyone is much happier with the way things have turned out.

I send a brief smile in the direction of their cluster, letting them know that I noticed them, and then my attention turns back to my soon to be wife. I offer her a nervous smile as she grips my arm a little bit tighter. And then we're at the altar, and the rest of the ceremony goes by in a flash. The only part I remember clearly is the loving look on her face as the priest asks, "Do you, Gilbert Grissom, take Sandra Marie Olson to be your lawfully wedded wife…"

I never expected to fall in love again once I left Las Vegas. I had been offered a position on the faculty of Loyola Marymount of Chicago several years after Nick's abduction, and I knew that it was my chance to change directions. Things had come to end with Sara after several months; it had been wonderful, but in the end she was looking for more than I was able to give to her. She transferred to Dayshift, and we went through several sudden staffing changes after that, causing even more tension in an already tightly strung environment. I'd been in Vegas a long time, and it was time to move on, both as a benefit to me and to the team that I had come to care about as my own family.

Chicago has been a much different place than Las Vegas, and I've enjoyed the change. In the time since I've moved here, I've been able to hold several lectures and visit more than just the tourist attractions while processing a scene; I've entered several chess competitions, obtained season tickets for the Cubs, and even taken an extended vacation to Fiji.

I got to know Sandy during a lunch break in between classes. I had been walking through campus in search of a quiet, but sunny place to sit down for lunch and take a quick look at my lecture notes for my next class, and I found Sandy sitting at the only table not completely occupied; being one of the first nice days of the semester, everyone was taking advantage of the good weather. She graciously offered me the empty seat across from her. We had met casually several months earlier, when I was introduced to the various faculty members of the forensic science department. Our paths hadn't crossed since, but I remembered how warm she had been, and we fell into comfortable conversation immediately. We were nearly late for out next classes, we had become so engrossed in talking to each other. This led to several more lunch meetings, drinks after a particularly long faculty meeting, and finally to an actual date. I had acquired orchestra tickets from a fellow professor who couldn't attend, and I asked her to accompany me.

Six months later, we had gone from dating to living together, sharing our lives and our space. The subject of marriage came up sporadically, but both of us were understandably skittish about the subject; Sandy had been married for nearly twenty years before she divorced six years ago, and my break up with Sara had caused several cracks in my heart that hadn't quite healed, that I wasn't sure would ever completely heal. I was willing to pursue a relationship with Sandy, but I wasn't ready for a commitment like marriage.

But as time went on, the idea was something we both became more accustomed to. I experienced a level of comfort with her that I had never encountered in past relationships. For the first time, I could pursue a relationship without the fear of professional repercussions if it became public knowledge. We don't always get along, I've spent my fair share of nights asleep on the sofa in my den, but we get past our problems and try to reach an understanding. We're different enough to keep things exciting, but similar enough that we can work through any disagreement and come out better for it. I've introduced her to the wonderful worlds of entomology and roller coasters, and she's awakened an interest in French films and rummy over chai tea in me.

It was another year after we moved in together, but one day I found myself thinking about marriage while watching her tear through the Sunday paper, and I realized for the first time that it didn't scare me anymore; quite the opposite in fact, I actually found myself wanting to make a formal commitment to her. Part of it probably had to do with the time I had spent in Vegas for Warrick and Catherine's wedding, It took several more weeks for me to broach the subject with her, but after a few long conversations, the idea didn't seem to scare her much anymore either.

I planned from there.

It was simple and in character; any sweeping romantic gesture would have been cliché, and it would have been insulting to our relationship. So I planned a simple dinner at home, the lasagna my mother had taught me to make with a bottle of vintage wine. While she was finishing up her desert, I pretended to get up for the bathroom, and detoured to the living room. I left the small black box containing her engagement ring on the cushion of the couch that she always settled onto after dinner to watch Jeopardy. I began to clear the plates and retreated into the kitchen to start on the dishes, anxiously waiting for her reaction to my surprise. When I heard her gasp, I emerged from the kitchen and a smile overtook my lips as I saw the expression on her face.

The rest is history.

"Looks like life in Chicago has treated you alright." I turn around at the sound of the familiar voice coming from behind me as I stand at the bar waiting for Sandy's rum and coke. "Congratulations."

"I'm glad you guys could make it Nick." I smile at Nick as he leans against the bar and grins back. It's been nearly a year since the last time I saw Nick, and I know that his life has changed just as drastically as mine.

"We wouldn't have missed it…I just hope Gracie wasn't too distracting."

"Oh, she was fine." I had actually appreciated the occasional gurgling and giggling coming from Nick's nine month old daughter Grace during the ceremony; when things became dangerously close to overwhelming Sandy and myself, her laughter had made us smile and given us a minute to remember exactly why we were standing up there. "She's gotten so big since the last pictures, I'm glad I've finally gotten to meet her. She's a beauty."

Nick smiled proudly. "Definitely takes after her mother there." He turned around briefly to look at his wife, who was busy talking to Catherine and handing Grace off to Lindsey.

"She does look just like Sara."

I'd be lying if I said that I'd never considered the fact that Nick and Sara would end up together, even when Sara and I were dating. She'd always thought that I feared her leaving me for someone younger in an abstract, theoretical type of way, but I'd had someone specific in mind from the beginning. Men had come and gone in her life even before we'd started dating, but Nick was always a constant in her life. Even Greg, who had more openly flirted with Sara, didn't feel like a threat to me in the same way that Nick did.

It has been a long time since Nick was the approval seeking, fumbling CSI that he was when he reached Level 3 status. Sure, he had his slip ups along the way, but he has grown into a mature, seasoned criminalist, as well as a man. Nick always had one thing that I just couldn't seem to grasp; Nick has always understood, and more importantly, has been able to deal with the human element, both with cases and in his personal life. He lets people in, no strings attached, and allows them to see the person that he is.

I saw him as a rival for her affections early on. Because Sara's arrival in Vegas was due to Warrick's grave mistake, that automatically put him on the defensive with her, and Catherine didn't exactly welcome Sara to the team wholeheartedly. Maybe that's why she and Nick became close so fast. She needed an ally that wasn't also her supervisor. Their competitiveness and eagerness to succeed didn't seem to get in the way of their fast growing friendship, something that couldn't quite be said for Nick's relationship with Warrick.

I'm not proud to admit that I knew how much my approval meant to the both of them, and that I used that knowledge to my advantage. They were the two members of the team that craved it the most, and they were the two that received it the least. For Sara, it was to keep her at arm's length; she couldn't get close enough to hurt me, but she couldn't get away either. For Nick, I guess it was punishment for being a suitable replacement for me in her eyes. None of this was done consciously, but after looking back on my behavior towards the two of them those first few years Sara was in town, I can recognize the unhealthy way that I influenced all of our relationships.

Basically, I wanted Sara, I wouldn't allow myself to have her, and I was punishing Nick because he could have her if the two of them got away from me long enough to realize what was in front of their faces. Sara wouldn't consider pursuing Nick while she was still infatuated with me, and Nick wouldn't pursue her if he thought that Sara still wanted me. I had all the power, and that's how I wanted it. To pursue a relationship with Sara for myself, I would have to give her some control, and open myself up to her. She could choose to leave me; she could decide that I wasn't enough for her, and those thoughts terrified me.

But then things changed. First, the shifts were split, and Nick and Warrick were no longer mine. My relationships with them became distanced, as did Sara's, and even Greg's. For the first time I could see Nick as a colleague, a competent colleague at that, now that he wasn't under my direct supervision and no longer a perceived threat. Then he was abducted, and everything I believed in was turned completely upside down.

These people were my family, and the thought of losing them terrified me, even more that all of the what ifs that had ever crossed my mind when it came to Sara. I spent many sleepless nights examining my faulty thinking when it came to my team, Sara especially, and I came to the conclusion that life is way too short, and I'd wasted a significant portion of it hiding in my hermetically sealed townhouse, preparing for a storm that may never make it ashore. Maybe Sara and I could find happily ever after despite everything I'd done to sabotage the relationship.

I had a lot of time to make up for. I had spent so many years pulling Sara in and then pushing her away, that Sara wasn't quite sure what to make of my sudden interest in her again. Even though I had never been so bold as to ask her to dinner before, I don't think she quite trusted that I wouldn't push her away again; I understood her trepidation, but I hadn't quite counted on it taking so long. In the end, it took months of dinners and conversations to convince her to give me another chance.

We were discreet, wanting to see how fast things would progress before we announced it to the world. As long as I was still her supervisor, things would be sticky at best, and I know that Sara was a bit hesitant about the rest of the team finding out, Nick and Greg especially. The beginning plan was that I would step down as supervisor of the night shift, and hand over the duties to Catherine. Our only other option was for Sara to transfer to the dayshift, an option that neither of us really wanted to consider.

I had every intention of setting up a meeting with Ecklie and starting the transition to Catherine heading the nightshift. But as time went by, things got comfortable. We had our work life, where we still acted in a professional capacity, and we kept that separate from our home life. I've always been a private person; I liked it that way. And the more I considered it, the more I realized that it wasn't going to be so easy to give up my supervisor duties. Sure, I hated paperwork and evaluations and staff meetings, but I enjoyed working with my team, and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen when I found myself under Catherine's supervision; we were good friends, but we differed vastly in the way that we conducted our work.

I knew when it came down to it, I would choose Sara over the job, it would just take me some time. Unfortunately, Sara decided to make the choice for me. I came home early one morning six months into our relationship to find a few boxes sitting by my door. I found her on the couch, her eyes red rimmed; it appeared that she had spent her night off packing up the things that had made their way over to my townhouse.

"They found out," she said flatly, staring blankly at the wall before I had a chance to question what was going on. "Well, that I'm seeing someone…Nick's mad, and the look on Greg's face…he asked me how good the relationship could really be if I've never introduced him to my friends, and that got me thinking…I can't do this anymore."

I couldn't stop her from leaving, as much as I wanted to. She didn't want to lie to her friends; Nick and Greg especially hadn't taken the deceit well. She wanted an open relationship, hell, she deserved an open relationship, and that was something I just couldn't give her at the moment.

Her stuff was gone the next day, and after several awkward nights at work, I found her shift transfer paperwork sitting on my desk. Things didn't get any better once she transferred either; even though it had never been announced that I was the person Sara had been seeing, most of the lab had figured it out, or at least found out once Hodges figured it out. Two weeks after Sara's transfer paperwork went through, I came into my office to find two other forms sitting on my desk; the first was Greg's request for a shift transfer, and the second was Nick's leave of absence to pursue a position in San Diego.

Warrick and Catherine stayed on, but by then I had already decided to accept the offer from Chicago. My bed was empty, my home was empty, and I couldn't even escape at work anymore. Sara avoided me like the plague on the few occasions when she was actually at the lab when night shift was, Greg sulked around the lab until he was transferred to dayshift, and Nick wouldn't speak to me unless absolutely necessary until his transfer to San Diego went through. Warrick regarded me a bit coolly too, though part of that may have been due to the stress of his own impending divorce. I couldn't remain in the middle of all of that tension, and I only hoped that my leaving would allow the rest of the shift to reunite. With Catherine as supervisor of the splintered nightshift, Greg returned, but Nick still left for California, and several weeks later, Catherine informed me that Sara had accepted a position back in San Francisco.

It was hard, and painful, but I started to move on with my life. I had several setbacks early in my relationship with Sandy, first when I found out that Nick had transferred again, this time from San Diego to San Francisco. Several months later, Catherine slipped up during a phone call, telling me that she and Warrick were spending a couple days at Nick and Sara's in San Francisco. There were a few moments of silence as I processed that statement; I had figured as much once I heard Nick transferred, and I strongly doubted that they were living as roommates. I was happy with Sandy, but I couldn't help but feel the pangs of regrets over what I may have missed out on. It was almost a year later when I received something in the mail that I had always suspected would show up; it contained an announcement of Sara and Nick's marriage, along with a picture. It looked like they had gotten married on a beach, and Sara was gorgeous in a white sundress and curls spilling over her shoulders. It took awhile, but looking at that picture changed from something painful, yet impossible not to do, to something that finally helped me let go. I could see how happy she was, smiling up at Nick as he laughed at something on the other side of the camera, and I decided that I wasn't going to begrudge them their happiness; they had certainly earned it, and I only hoped that I could find the same thing with Sandy.

I sent a brief, but congratulatory letter to the newlyweds, and that seemed to be the turning point. We began to email each other regularly, and I couldn't have been happier when Nick emailed me with the news that Sara was pregnant.

I saw them for the first time several months later, when Catherine and Warrick had summoned everyone back to Vegas for a wedding of their own. Warrick and Tina had tried to make it work, but in the end, they realized that they had just gotten married too quickly and that they were looking for different things out of life. I had been waiting years for something to happen between him and Catherine, I think we all had, but they still took things slow, out of respect for Warrick's previous marriage.

To say the trip was a little awkward would be an understatement, but it was yet another step I had to take. Greg seemed to have gotten over his animosity towards me, and shook my hand wholeheartedly before he introduced me to his girlfriend Lori, and Nick seemed far too concerned that Sara would go into labor during the ceremony to hold a grudge against me. Things were strange between Sara and I, but after the initial awkwardness, we were able to hold a conversation. I could see how happy she was, the way her face lit up when she talked about San Francisco, and how her attention kept drifting over to Nick. A soft smile would creep onto her face as she absentmindedly rubbed her very pregnant belly, watching him in deep conversation with Warrick and Greg over some basketball game.

Seeing her, and seeing how happy they were together made me realize that things had turned out the way they should have. I returned home to Chicago finally at peace with everything that had happened in Vegas. Everyone was happy with the way that things had turned out, and now they were here at my own wedding.

After turning around to see Sandy chatting with one of her nieces, I glanced over at Sara, who seemed to be in deep conversation with Catherine now that Lindsey had whisked Grace away and was dancing with her in the corner. A smile played at my lips. "I hear that congratulations are in order for you too there Nick."

By this time, Warrick, Jim, and Greg had appeared on either side of us.

"I second that." Jim grinned and placed an order for him, Warrick, and Greg once the bartender brought over Sandy's rum and coke.

Warrick clapped Nick on the shoulder. "You two certainly aren't wasting any time, Gracie's what, nine months?"

I doubted you would be able to wipe the smile off of Nick's face; in fact, it reminded me a lot of how I felt. "Almost ten months. We didn't exactly plan for another one so soon, but we also didn't want to end up with teenagers in our sixties either."

"So what about you and Catherine, Rick?" Greg asked, "Any plans to catch up with Nick and Sara?"

Warrick chuckled. "I don't know man, we're not ruling anything out." He then turned to me. "And Gris, congratulations. Sandy seems real nice."

I smiled as I glanced over at my new wife, letting my gaze linger on her beaming face for a moment before I scanned the crowd. Greg's wife, Lori, had joined Catherine and Sara, and they were sitting around the table laughing at something in between stealing glances at their respective husbands. Lindsey was still in the corner, twirling Gracie around in her arms, the little girl squealing in excitement and drawing the attention of both of our groups.

The smile that I hadn't been able to contain all day spread even further as I addressed my friends and former colleagues. "I'm happy with the way things have turned out."

FIN.

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A/N: Wow, that took a really long time. I hope I kept Grissom in character, it's been a rough ride trying to stay in his head long enough to write this.It's been a pretty crappy summer so far, and I've been working on this since the finale, but my muse decided to run away on an extended vacation. Fortunately, I found her hiding in the pool at the Excalibur on my own vacation to Las Vegas last week, and I was finally able to finish this. Hopefully, she'll stick around for awhile and I'll get a few more things finished. 


End file.
